Ethan, tattle tale face

Ethan looks up with those imploring eyes – trying to convince me that it’s not his fault he got a bad grade in school today.

“You have been doing so well, what happened?”

He takes in a deep breath, as if to prepare himself and perhaps me as well, for an l o n g explanation.

The perils of kindergarten.

Oh the gruesome battleground that it is.

In his studies he does well, but at this age they are graded on behavior and overall classroom conduct, etc.

E = Excellent

S= Satisfactory

N = Needs Improvement

U = Unsatisfactory

Ethan got a U today.

As he goes into the explanation of why, I am not surprised to find that once again, it’s because he is talking out of turn and ‘tattling’.

To be exact, he was talking out of turn in order to tattle.

Double whammy.

My kid loves to tell on the other kids.

“Mommy, you just don’t understand – If I did those things, I would get in trouble. Why should they be able to do stuff and not get in trouble?”

It’s hard to explain this kind of stuff to a 6 year old, when even in my adult years, I barely understand it.

“Ethan, that never stops. People are always going to get away with things, you have to be focused on what you are doing – don’t worry about the kids in your class that are breaking the rules.”

“But Mom! That’s like, the most un-fair thing in the whole world! Other kids can do stuff, but if I do it, I get in big time trouble?!?!”

Two points.

#1 - When did my son become old enough to use ‘like’ in sentences?

#2 – How do you argue the truth? I feel the same way; it is unfair that people get away with wrongdoings. Some get away with these things their entire life. How do I convince my son to focus on his own deeds and not worry about everyone else?

I sit and stare at him for a bit before entering back into another long conversation that is much of the same and he is still not getting it.

It’s not like this is the first time.

Ethan is a repeat offender.

Hank and I have read the books and they say to ignore it, to let the kids settle it themselves, and definitely not to encourage the behavior.

Unless of course it’s an emergency.

So 30 minutes later and Ethan lets out a big sigh,

“So Mom, maybe I can only tell on the other kids a teensy bit?”

“No Ethan”

He slumps into the back of his chair like a disengaged teenager,

“Oooooh Kaaaaayyyyyy.”

Still, nothing registers.

I’m suddenly reminded of one of my favorite quotes,

“I am, indeed, a king, because I know how to rule myself.”
- Pietro Aretino

I think any good person would spend the rest of their life doing just that, ruling themselves.

For a 6 year old boy, born with a driving desire to just ‘BE’ whatever tickles his fancy at the time; this is indeed a hard lesson to learn.

“Ethan…”

I start to explain this to explain this to him, but stop.

Because I’m not sure how.

Hank often tells me I lecture Ethan too hard and too long, I lose him amidst all the grown up words.

“Yes Mam?”

He answers back.

“Ethan…. If you want to be a great man, you must learn to govern yourself. I mean… you will never be any one great if you spend your life focusing on people who are always making mistakes. Focus on yourself and how you can make Ethan better.”

Against my own thriving desire to lecture, I left it at that, which was probably still too much.

How do you sum up so much important information in just a few words?

I have a sinking feeling that I will be hearing about this again, and sooner rather than later.

“Mommy,”

Ethan returns to me with a thoughtful expression and climbs into my lap,

“I will try to be better and think about what I am doing and not what other people are doing.”

My heart soars, ‘Maybe I have gotten through somehow!’

Then he adds,

“But I’m just warnin ya, nobody’s perfect all the time!”